Saying Yes When Life Is Already Full
Welcome to our guest blogger, Kayley Lindquist, a foster mom of 9 years.
There are moments in foster care when saying yes doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Life is already full. We feel ill-equipped. We wonder how four boys could possibly fit into the rhythms of the busy life we already have. We are far far from saints because our first thought is, "Are we really doing this again?"
And then two new boys join our home, and I talk to their mom for a few minutes, and my heart breaks open in a whole new way. Again. But it is never the same.
Foster care is always more than one thing. It is complex and complicated and confusing and requires me to be courageous in ways I'd rather not (but this doesn't compare to the courage it requires of a child). It pushes boundaries and requires us to rethink what family can mean, what it can hold. It is not just another bed or another seat at the table.
It can feel like reinventing your whole life with one phone call. Even if you've done it 50 times before.
Embracing change when every part of you wants to fight to keep things the same — calm, safe, comfortable, predictable. My instinct is always to try to make it all tidy as quickly as possible. To somehow fit this new reality neatly into the life we had yesterday.
It doesn't work that way. And that's okay (I try to remind myself through tears). Because we don't do this alone.
We rely on our village. On our community. On the capital-C Church. On the people who show up when things are messy and complicated and inconvenient.
The people who bring meals. Who invite our kids over for playdates. Who help us remember our tiny bit of high school Spanish. Who leave surprise cakes in the fridge. Who listen when we need to cry. Who give us a safe place to vent without needing us to have the right words.
To every person who shows up for foster families: thank you. Because this is the part I don't want to lose in the conversation about the need for foster parents. Yes, there is an enormous need (1746 more homes are needed in SC). Real children need safe, loving homes. Real parents are walking through incredibly difficult circumstances. Those realities matter. But so does the wellbeing of the people saying yes. And we can't say yes without support.
Maybe you can bring dinner, offer a playdate, sit on the porch, listen, pray, or be the neighbor who helps a struggling family stay safe and supported so a child never has to enter foster care in the first place. There are so many ways to say yes. And maybe that's the point.
We keep saying yes — not because it's easy, or because we have unlimited capacity, or because we always feel ready. We say yes because children matter. Families matter.
And because, thankfully, we don't have to do this alone.
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Kaley and her husband Bob have been foster parents in the Upstate since 2017. Their lives reflect a deep commitment to children and families, with a heart for reunification, restoration, and lasting support.
They are passionate champions for making sure every family has access to the resources, care, and community they need to thrive. Their family motto says it best: “Love does hard things.” But they also believe something just as powerful—love doesn’t let others do hard things alone. Sometimes we can’t change the hard, but we can change the alone (Thanks, Dr. Becky at Good Inside).